The tag on today’s blog should read: I sent a letter to my boss and on the way I lost it. A little government picked it up and put it in its pocket.
Dear Boss,
I know, I know. I wrote you yesterday outlining my plan to steal thousands of dollars from the company purse, followed by a demand I be treated in the same fashion as Hydro One CAO Tom Parkinson; showered in money. When I pointed out that Mr. Parkinson mismanaged millions of dollars and was given $3 million to get lost, you reminded me I don’t work for the government. You made it clear: If I stole from the company, I’d get fired and go to jail.
Boss, today, I’ve got a new plan. Like yesterday’s, it’s modelled after the provincial government. I
want you to write down the figure representing my annual salary, multiply it by four, add this amount to the original and send it me NOW.
There’s no need to go into the old boss rant; turning purple and pounding your fist on the desk doesn’t scare me. I’m demanding a 25-per-cent raise for my thieving efforts and you’d better learn to live with it. Them’s my terms and I ain’t gonna budge.
If it’ll make you feel any better, let me point out that yesterday, members of the Ontario legislature voted overwhelmingly in favour of giving themselves a 25-per-cent salary hike. As a result, our MPPs would see their base pay climb to $110,775 from $88,771 a year. Boss, you know what you pay me...Just increase it by 25 per cent and be done with it.
Remember. If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
Love, Joan
Dear Joan,
When I kick you to the curb, you can expect some pain. Love, Your free enterprise boss.
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